I know I have a lot of goddamn nerve kvetching about anything while the world is going to hell around me and I’m stuffing myself with chocolate and champagne. But yesterday I was BOUNCING off the walls with craziness. I felt completely overwhelmed. Unable to find anything I needed or wanted, sick of living out of a suitcase, tired of getting lost, tired of navigating, tired of trying to read French so I could turn on the oven, washing machine, etc. and mostly frustrated as all hell because I couldn’t find anything!! I’m disorganized at home. On holiday, it’s a total nightmare. The dogs crap, our crap, trying to remember that everything closes for siesta so we’re on the wrong time schedule and no matter how many times we’ve been we ALWAYS forget. There must be twenty locks on this house, all of which must be locked with a key of out of the 1700s that weigh two pounds each. It’s like out of Frankenstein. Then there’s the washing machine which takes two and half hours no matter what cycle I put it on. Then I thought I lost my $800 night guard I had to recently purchase since, thanks to the Orange Mental Midget, I’m grinding my teeth so hard they’re literally breaking! That was the last straw. I melted down. Then, of course, I found it but not before I torn through everything like a cyclone.
Jim recommended a drink. I always do as I’m told.
He can just collapse on the couch with a book and a half hour later, he’s snoring and happy.
I also think it’s the build up or the let down or whatever of FINALLY have the one trillion things that must be done to leave town done. It’s hard to relax than you think. Or I think. Really relax. In a funny way it’s easier when the time is fairly limited. Now I’m constantly analyzing whether I’m using all this time to proper advantage? Why haven’t I painted? Why I haven’t seen more? Why haven’t I done more? What if we don’t get back and I never get to see this village or that village? When am I going to relax?
I guess what it proves is that wherever I go, my neurosis goes along for the ride.
Today, I’m much better. Jim concurs. I think I freaked him out a bit yesterday. I was truly nuts. I felt so out of sorts and out of control. Today I’m back to thinking I’m the luckiest human on the planet. What do I have to worry about? So what if my life/career goes to shit when I return? Who the hell knows if I will return or if there will be a world to return to! I may be blocking out the news but enough is trickling in that I know it’s a continual downhill slide.
But my reality is heaven. We arrived and are no happily ensconced in our mill house in the Dordogne in a village called St. Suplice du Mareuil which consists of a patisserie. My kind of town. I can walk down the road and get fresh croissants in the morning. That makes me VERY happy.
The river runs through the middle of the house, dividing the two sections. It was built in 1700 where it was used to mill paper. The walls are stone and rock. The owners, who are British, live in Nairobi. She is a professional illustrator and he’s an NGO. The house oozes charms. The property is on it’s only little island, surrounded on both sides by rivers whose names I must remember sometime. As if you care. The sound of rushing water is constant when you’re in the house because the mill wheel runs at all times. It’s wonderful. We love the sound of water and this is so prominent. I’ll post a picture with sound.
Okay, enough kvetching and blogging. I’m going to soak up some beauty and go back to feeling like the luckiest person on earth. This weekend we have our first guests, Jay and Mike, arrive from London. It has been close two years since we last saw them and we’re eagerly looking forward to their arrival.